Manic Depressive

My new LJ

2005-04-03T22:18:44Z

It's time for a new LJ so here it is...

it's friends only and it will now be my default journal.

Lost my Mojo...kinda

2005-04-03T16:12:47Z

Well, I gave up Mojo and my instant messengers hoping to get more in touch with the real world when all it's doing is taking me farther away from it. No one ever calls me or sends me messages or anything like that so I thought if I got away from mojo for a while it would force people to be more "personal" when trying to talk to me and by that I mean calling me.

It's the same 'ole shit though. If I plan to keep in contact with anyone I have to call them and do my damndest to keep in touch while they forget who I am. Like with Nick (the douche), I don't even have to explain about him here.... If you want to know just read through some of my past entries.

I am pretty sure Josh doesn't like me anymore. He stopped getting on mojo and AIM and we almost never talk anymore.

I have been going to the tanning bed again. I have unlimited visits every month as long as I don't go into the tanning bed place and cancel it. So yeah I expect to be very tan this summer.

Well, I am talking to Greg on MSN, yeah I said I gave up all instant messengers but no one knows my MSN excpet for Greg and I haven't talked to him since probably last summer. He was my very first posse member on mojo I believe but he isn't in it now. And no Courtney, it's not Greg Thompson, it's that other Greg that tried working at Movie Gallery when you were working there.

Ya know what? I think I am going to check out www.aboutmylife.com and see if they ever finished transplanting the UJ's over there.

I'm sick.

2005-03-29T19:41:16Z

My throat hurts. I feel like total shit. I wish I had someone to whine to, who would take care of me. BLAH! It's so pretty outside and I want to go outside but I feel like shit. This sucks so much ass.

also, I was trying to get on at Insight but that's not going to happen now.

tons of fun. I hate my job.

kymb1984 @ 2005-03-20T13:32:00

2005-03-20T18:33:28Z

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
My scars remind me that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

Drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
I'm pissed cause you came around
Why don't you just go home
Cause you channel all your pain
And I can't help you fix yourself
You're making me insane
All I can say is

[Chorus:]
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you're drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

[Chorus]

I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
And I just wanna be alone
You shouldn't ever came around
Why don't you just go home?
Cause you're drowning in the water
And I tried to grab your hand
And I left my heart open
But you didn't understand
But you didn't understand
Go fix yourself

I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can't help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life

gawd dammit

2005-03-09T22:23:57Z

welp, I got pulled over today on the way to work. I hate bullitt county cops with a passion, he isn't even giving me the chance to go to traffic school... I HAVE to appear in court. I have been working a lot of weekends lately and it looks like I am working ANOTHER full weekend this week. Isn't work great?!

Me and Chris are TOTALLY done. AFtre me trying to dump him for 3 weeks he starts getting on mojo everyday again and then dumps me.... i was like WTF?! so he kept trying to talk to me and shit and the other day I told him if he ever hotboxes me again I will blacklist him. I just don't want to talk to him anymore, he didn't really do anything or say anything, I just prefer not to talk to him.

I am currently talking to Josh from mojo, we are supposed to go out this weekend but if I have to work we won't be able to. I need the money now though because I have to get a lawyer and shit for the citation I got.

I am getting hired on at Publisher's finally.

welp, that's about it.

Yellowcard - Only One

2005-02-27T21:45:55Z

Until I actually have something I wish to share with the rest of the internet world I will be posting lyrics to songs that I feel fit at the time of the posting.

Broken this fragile thing now
And I can't, I can't pick up the pieces
And I've thrown my words all around
But I can't, I can't give you a reason

I feel so broken up (so broken up)
And I give up (I give up)
I just want to tell you so you know

(Chorus)
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only, my only one

Made my mistakes, let you down
And I can't, I can't hold on for too long
Ran my whole life in the ground
And I can't, I can't get up when you're gone

And something's breaking up (breaking up)
I feel like giving up (like giving up)
I won't walk out until you know

(Chorus)
Here I go, scream my lungs out and try get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one that gets me like you do
You are my only my only one

(Interlude)

Here I go...so dishonestly leave a note for you my only one
And I know...you can see right through me
So let me go...and you will find some one

Here I go, scream my lungs out and try get to you
You are my only one
I let go, there's just no one...no one like you
You are my only my only one
My only one(x3)
You are my only my only one!

kymb1984 @ 2005-02-22T20:30:00

2005-02-23T01:31:47Z

DAMN HIM!

I probably won't be posting much in here until I figure out what the hell is going on with Chris.... he keeps running me in circles.

kymb1984 @ 2005-02-20T09:39:00

2005-02-20T14:47:48Z

Went to Petrus friday to see 9vr.... I was reassured that I can't dance. Then me Kerry and Jenny came back to my house to play DDR and I rock. I can keep a beat like nobodies business and they couldn't. I am convinced thatb I should learn to play the drums or bass guitar....that would be cool.

Yesterday I just layed in bed and today it looks like I will be doing the same. Chris was on mojo yesterday and didn't reply to my hotboxes....instead he just deleted some stuff on his profile. I sent him a hotbox telling him I am done waiting for him. I'm serious this time. I am almost positive that he is getting back with his wife. I tried to help him getb out of his "situation" that he told me he wanted to be out of but if he isn't willing to make changes I can't help him.

Where to begin....

2005-02-15T21:03:31Z

I gave up on Chris. After him apologzing to me about disappearing he disappears again. I haven't heard from him since last Thursday I believe.

Jim (ravenhawk) pierced my tongue Saturday night. He works at a tattoo parlor so I drove up to the shop and he did it there. My tongue is swollen but I can still eat and talk just fine. It takes me a little longer to eat though.

I invited Kerry and Jennifer to Petrus with me this Friday... I am so excited. 9voltRevolt is playing and I get in free before 10 o'clock. Yeah they let chicks 18+ in on Friday's now and guys still have to be 21+ HAHA!

I have discovered a new hatred for listerine. I have to listerine after I smoke, eat, drink....EVERYTHING! I think I am starting to get use to it now though. I was checking out tongue rings on the net and already know what my next tongue ring is going to be....it's awesome. I want to get more stuff pierced now....lol. Ok well maybe I will wait for when I am not constantly drunk off Listerine to make that decision...lol

I really liked Chris, I bet he went back to his wife... ya know the one... the one he has been "seperated" from for 7 months and just hasn't had the money to get the divorce finalized...or even started for that matter. They always go back to their wife. From now on I am going to make sure a guy I am interested in ISN'T married or if he was has a FINALIZED divorce before I hook up with them. This shit is just getting ridiculous.

There's a weird chunk of skin on my tongue right in front of my tongue ring.... it looks weird and it looks dead so I tried to pick it off but it's attached pretty well and it hurts from where my tongue is still swollen.

My tongue is sooo damn ugly right now. When I stick it out you can see all the little swollen areas and it just looks icky. I'll tell ya what though, I bet I have the freshest smelling breath out of anyone in Kentucky.I usually end up using Listerine about 15-20 times a day.... damn shit.

OH! That thing about me quitting smoking.... yeah I started full force again. I think the main reason I quit was for Chris anyway...not for myself and we all know that unless you are doing it for you then it won't ever work. I found out I lost 20 lbs. and decided that if I didn't start smoking again (post illnesses) that I would start gaining the wait back and what not... cigarettes keep me skinny....lol Yeah I know... bad excuse. No lectures please. I have heard them all and I have had a VERY very close family member die of lung cancer 2 years ago today!

Yep, It has been exactly 2 years since my g-ma died. She would kick my ass if she knew I had a tongue ring... actually she would just lecture me on making sure I took care of it. My g-ma was pretty cool. She didn't like it that I was smoking either but she never griped at me for it. She knew that would never make me quit.

GAWD it is SOOOOO gorgeous outside today. I wish I had something I could be doing outside since it is so warm and what not but I don't because I am a loser.

well, I guess this is enough catching up.

Sorry for such a long post but I refuse to lj-cut ANY of it. I usually don't post this much ay once anyway.

Later!

I over reacted and jumped to conclusions....

2005-02-08T03:14:06Z

Chris didn't lie to me, he had been moving into Jeremy's house like he told me. He DID stand me up though... He skipped out on me to watch the Super Bowl... it was the super bowl though so I can understand that.... a little. I wish he would have called me to let me know. I still haven't heard from him since yesterday between 3-4pm. He probably knows I am pissed and he is scared to log on. Ok I have to stop making excuses for him now. I will talk more about everything else some other time.

FUCK YOU!

2005-02-07T03:01:44Z

Chris stoood me up tonight....AND I am pretty damn sure he has been lying to me about what he has been doing all weekend...fuck him. I could do soooo much better.... I really liked him though... I HATE BOYS!!! Aren't there any HALF decent ones out there?!

GAWD DAMMIT!!! I hate this fucking shit.

kymb1984 @ 2005-02-06T09:28:00

2005-02-06T14:34:33Z

ya know what pisses me off??

when someone's cell phone gets turned off and it is the only way I jave to get ahold of them besides the internet and they say they will talk to me later that day but never get online and don't bother to use any of their friend's phones. I am fucking paranoid as hell already and this shit isn't helping.

On a different note, someone who will remain nameless on mojo is really starting to get to me. She starts shit with people when there is no call for it. She takes action without putting the slightest amount of thought into it. And she had the gonads to call ME a thread tard. She is a drama whore.

So yeah I a suppose to go to Waffle House tonight with a bunch of mo'fo but I don't know about it right now. Since I am all paranoid abou Chris my stomach is really upset. My nerves are bothering me. This sucks ass.

I wanna go back to sleep.

kymb1984 @ 2005-02-05T14:10:00

2005-02-05T19:12:00Z

Now that I have PSP9 on my pc again I think I will make a new bg for my LJ. Nothing special. I suck at PSP. I just use it because it's easy and photos keep their quality unlike MS Paint.

Cheer up emo kid.

2005-01-31T22:13:15Z

Yeah I have been saying that to Chris a lot lately. He has been throught a lot.

I don't remember what I have said and not said so if I repeat myself get over it.
So Chris told me wed. night that he has been married. Well, I just found out the other night that he is STILL married. They haven't been together for 7 months but she still keeps contact with him.she called him yesterday and started some shit so he wasn't in the best mood yesterday. I hope he can get the divorce done with soon. This shit reminds me of Greg except Greg was still living with his wife.

Chris is living in a house that his ex's dad owns. He is moving out this weekend though. He is moving in with Jeremy so for once I will get to hang out with Chris without having to go to someone else's house. PLUS, Jeremy is really cool so I don't have to worry about Chris's rommie getting mad for me being there. Jeremy says I have to clean the house though.... yeah me clean?! Whatever....lol

I really like Chris. I almost screwed up Friday night. I came REALLY close to having sex with him. It's not that I don't want to but for once in a relationship I would like to wiat on that so there will be more to the relationship than just sex. Thank god I was on my period. If I hadn't been I know we would have had sex.

I bought Nightwalker yesterday and I also ordered Interstella 5555 on the net yesterday. Jeremy is downloading and burning Voices of a Distant Star for me....YAY!

so ummm....

2005-01-29T02:22:27Z

me and chris are going to nick's tonight and I am going to drink...yay!

i will update more later. I am taljking to chris right now on AIM.

steady....haha!

2005-01-27T06:02:16Z

Yeah, well FINALY me and Chris are "going steady"....lol

yeah, I kissed him.

He's going to nicks with me this weekend.... again.

Bowling sucked ass, I might not ever go again....who knows.

I'm going to bed.... g'nite!

♥

haha....DAMN

2005-01-26T15:08:43Z

I knew I acted mature for my age but this is a little older than I was expecting. For those who don't know I am only 20.

You Are 27 Years Old

27

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe.

13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world.

20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences.

30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more!

40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Losing Faith

2005-01-26T03:57:30Z

I don't think Chris and I will ever become an item. I have my reasons. He says he likes me and would date me or something like that and yet nothing. I am very emo right now. I should be oin bed but I am even too emo for bed right now.

guess what everyone!

2005-01-26T02:01:15Z

I am REALLY REALLY impatient, just in case no one already knew that.

EVERYONE should have the right to marry who they love.....

2005-01-24T23:47:59Z


Marriage is love.

uhhhh....

2005-01-24T23:44:19Z

I had a terrible dream last night/this morning. I wonder if it was another one of my "premonitions" or just a fear of mine trying to surface. Hopefully, the fear surfacing.

Work was ok today. I got along with everyone and didn't have a nervous breakdown like I did last week. I actually felt kinda needed at work today. I was supposed to work until 7pm but they told me and the other girl who was supposed to stay to just go home. Tomorrow they have 3 of us scheduled to stay until 7pm including myself. I wouldn't mind working overtime. I need to make up for all those L.O.W's I took last week and the week before. I need to start saving up money now that I have all these bills.

I don't have to worry about insurance until March but I have to pay my car every week and I still owe Sprint like 150 bucks. Also, I need to buy some more minutes for my cell phone. It's almost empty. I figured I would buy some Wed. on my way to bowling assuming I get my check wed. I hope Target still has the 2-$30.00 cards for $50. That would be awesome.

I have a little patch of pimples on my forehead. they hadn't even surfaced yet but i sratched my forehead and felt them so I went nut on them trying to pop them before they started to show so now I have like 4+ little red bumps on my forehead. My chest is breaking out as well, then again it is almost that time of the month so it's expected.

I really wish they would let me work more overtime. I just don't want to work it on a wednesday or thursaday b/c then it would interfere with me going to Rose Bowl with my Mo'Fo.

I wish we could have 3 groups on mojo live. I so desperately want a group called "The GPT" which GPT would stand for "GIRLS who PROTECT THEMSELVES". Basically I think it would be great and I could be making fun of the EPO at the same time.hell Devin wouldn't mind. He would get a good laugh out of it. He knows that I don't really mean any harm to him. I mean shit one day I was totally bad mouthing his "EPO" and he kept telling the EPO members to leave me alone cause I was cool and I was his friend...lol

I think the GPT would rawk! I don't want to get rid of my 3rd shift group because there are a TON of people in it and we are on the popularity contest list and then there is no way in HELL i would get rid of my Final Fantasy group. I love that game way too fucking much.

I don't think I have really said one word about CHris in this entry...lol

well there isn't a lot to say really. I haven't talked to him today at all, but that isn't unusual for a Monday or even a Tuesday. yesterday we spent all day checking out our horoscopes and stuff... he started it by hotboxing me a compatibility thing he did and if was plain old Western Zodiac. Then I checked our Chinese compatibility. Then we justchecked out some other compatibility things and we had our tarot cards read and did our i-ching. The i-ching was the coolest by far. I introduced him into Numerology yesterday and he was kinda in shcok of how accurate it was about him...lol

yeah he only gets one little section of an entry this time.

Later ♥

i think I am getting ahead of myself

2005-01-24T03:09:18Z

I have this feeling all of a sudden that I am getting myslef o worked up over Chris... in other words I am afraid I am expecting too much. I really hope I am wrong. I need to stop thinking about it.

I'm in SUCH a good mood.

2005-01-23T06:58:49Z

SO last night Chris went with me to see Nick and Ricky.... good times. Ricky wouldn't really say too much to me but anywho, I had fun. I got to spend a good 5 hours or something like that with Chris. We just kinda cuddled on Nick's couch all night.

So then today I spent from about 1pm-12:45am with him (almost 12 hours) and wow.... I am just soooo happy around him. he told one of the guys at anime night that he really likes me and doesn't want to screw anything up and he really wanted to kiss me. If it wasn't for the fact that I am likely to cough all over him if we kissed I would have already made the move.

Apparently I will not be smoking cigs anymore. Chris is like my support group. If I haven't had a smoke all day he tells me that I can have one but that's it....lol. He is so awesome. I can't wait until this coughing shit stops. I haven't had a smoke all day today. Chris said I could but I said no even though Greg (some guy at anime night) smokes the same cigs I smoked.Chris tried calling me right after I dropped him off but I didn't hear my phone ringing cause it was in a box in my backseat. I wonder what he wanted. I tried calling him back but he turned his phone off.

yeah this whole entry is pretty much about Chris.

I have been doing so much good for myself since me and ricky broke up. I think I have become a better person and I can take better care of myself now. I have a good job, I have a new car, and my priorities are more straightened out.

I REALLY like Chris.

g'nite ♥

blah blah....bored.....blah.....Chris.......blah.....

2005-01-22T00:32:26Z

Yeah that title pretty much sums up this entry.

I got my Angel Santuary DVD today. I am watching it right now. I am taking it to anime night tomorrow.

I started volume 4 of my AS manga. I made it to where the dvd leaves off. watching the dvd again makes me realize how much better the book is but things always seem to go that way.

I am talking to Chris on AIM.... we are going to hang out later tonight. He told me that he is kinda crushing on me too....lol YAY ME!

Mojo bowling wed. night was soooo funny...lol yeah I think I already posted about that.

I am going to heat up my left over tumbleweed now.

♥

new pics....n stuff...lol

2005-01-20T23:06:40Z

So I went bowling last night as I usually do on wed. nights. Jess and Sean showed up. So did Tommy and Paul. The Mojo Mafia/Militia was there later that night. Marty took a bunch of pics of me. He only posted about 4 or 5 of them though. I am currently smoking my very last cigarette. I am going to quit smoking... or atleast try. I think I have bronchitis right now and it really sucks. I can hardly talk and I have a really bad chronic cough. I coughed ALL day at work. I can't believe as soon as my pills are gone I get sick again. grrr...

Marty took a pic of me and Chris... it's not the best pic though. Chris called me today. I love it when he calls.... it's awesome. Anywho tomorrow we are hanging out.

I talked to Courtney for a little while today. She said Chris was cute....lol